It’s that time of year again!
With September just around the corner, school lists are being pulled from bulletin boards, shopping carts are filling up, and kids are counting down the days. This season can be both exciting and daunting as children prepare for a “new and often unfamiliar experience.” Whether they are stepping into daycare, preschool, kindergarten, high school, or even leaving home for post-secondary education, each transition requires them to venture into the “unknown.”
It’s completely normal for children to feel fear and anxiety about these new beginnings. As mentors in their lives, it’s vital that we not only acknowledge their feelings but also equip them with tools that foster resilience and mental well-being.
Below, I’d like to share powerful strategies that can support not just your children but also yourself in navigating the fear that often accompanies change. I have personally used these tools in my life and share them with clients as they learn to befriend their fears and embrace new opportunities.
Fostering Open Communication
Here are some questions and responses to help facilitate open dialogue and support your child:
Ask Open-Ended Questions: Inquire about their feelings regarding the new school year, college, or leaving home. Encourage them to share their fears and excitement, and then listen to understand.
Acknowledge Their Feelings: Validate their emotions by saying, “I hear you; this is a new and unfamiliar experience for you, and it can feel scary.”
Normalize Fear: Share your own experiences of fear when starting something new, whether it’s a job or returning to school yourself. Help them see fear as a signal of growth—something to celebrate as they move beyond their comfort zone. A great mantra to share is, “Here I grow again.”
Identify Specific Fears: Encourage them to articulate their worries. You can write down their “what ifs” together:
· What if I don’t make any friends?
· What if the teacher is mean?
· What if the work is too hard?
· What if I don’t like school?
For older kids, it might be:
· What if I don’t fit in?
· What if I can’t keep up with the workload?
· What if I don’t make new friends?
· What if I’m homesick and lonely?
· What if I find out I don’t like this career path?
This technique is called “staring down the fear.” It’s much healthier than putting on a “game face” and suppressing emotions. Unexpressed and repressed emotions can lead to addiction, mental health challenges, and suicide among our youth.
Explore Physical Manifestations: Ask your children if they feel their fear or worry in specific parts of their bodies. Share stories, like a friend’s experience with chronic stomach aches due to unexpressed fears. This can help them understand the importance of voicing their feelings.
Practical Tools for Navigating Fear
One effective tool I teach is breath work. Encourage your child to take a long, slow breath in through the nose, followed by a long exhale through pursed lips (as if breathing out of a straw). This practice can shift their nervous system and promote relaxation. When we calm down, we learn to stay present long enough to regain our center, which is essential for navigating change.
Visualize Positive Experiences: Once your child has acknowledged their fears, invite them to express what they hope to experience this school year.
They can write down or draw pictures of their aspirations—new friends, sleepovers, birthday parties, or academic achievements. Remind them that when fear resurfaces, they can take deep breaths and focus on what they want to experience as they embark on this new journey.
I invite you to use these tools the next time you feel fearful or worried. Remember, we are all our children’s first and most important teachers. Live the lessons you want them to learn.
Here’s to a fantastic school year ahead!
If you’d like more support for yourself or your child, remind yourself and your child, that asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It is a testament to self-awareness, courage, and strength.
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